I Don't Say Thank You on Halloween
by Kkarrie
Summary: A little Halloween fic about our favorite Psych characters. Lots of Lassie love.


It was Halloween Night at the Santa Barbara Police Station. The smart cops had requested that night off. Some had used the excuse that they had to take their children trick-or-treating, but some of them had just pointed out that they didn't want to deal with the yahoos that would undoubtedly be brought into the station. It was days like this that Carlton Lassiter thrived. This was more exciting then when the chief had assigned him to the case involving the alcoholic clown and his smuggling ring.

It was well after sundown and Carlton Lassiter was ready for anything this night could throw at him. Sadly the night hadn't been as crazy as the last few years. In fact he hadn't made a single arrest that night. He sat in his chair mindlessly scrolling through arrest reports waiting for something to happen. O'Hara was off that night and it could have been that fact that made Carlton forget about the other person he was forced to solve cases with. He was soon reminded when Shawn Spencer burst through the door. He was closely followed by his best friend Burton Guster.

"What cookin' Lassifrass?" Spencer's usual cheerful voice berated Lassiter's ears, followed by Spencer sitting on his desk. He turned to look up at Spencer and scowled when he saw the "psychic" and his friend were dressed for the holiday. Spencer was wearing a tweed jacket with a matching deerstalker hat. In one of his hands he was holding a pipe. Guster was wearing a blue period suit and had a ridiculous mustache on his face.

"What do you want Spencer?" Lassiter growled pretending to busy himself with paperwork. Spencer chuckled, yes Lassiter would use the word chuckle to describe to amused noise that came out of his mouth.

"Lassie I think you might need some glasses. My name isn't Spencer." Spencer said giving Guster one of their juvenile fist bumps. "It's Holmes, Sherlock Holmes." He blew on his pipe and Lassiter waved his hands to get rid of the bubbles that came from it.

"If you're Holmes then Guster is Watson I suppose." Lassiter said trying to act uninterested. Spencer and Guster did another one of their stupid handshakes.

"You know that's right." Guster said.

"What are you doing Lassie?" Spencer asked repeating his question from earlier.

"I'm trying to do some police work." Lassiter said.

"Really?" Spencer said grabbing for Lassiter's computer monitor. "Because it looks like you were reading the greatest hits of Santa Barbara's finest. His eyes flicked over the screen. "Oh look Gus, there's one of my favorites, the Muffin Man Robbery."

"That man was obsessed with muffins." Gus commented. Lassiter practically shoved Spencer off his desk and turned off the monitor.

"Is there something I can help the two of you with or do you just like to make my life a living hell?"

"Lassie, it's Halloween," Spencer started to say.

"That has no bearing on what you do to me." Lassiter interrupted.

"If you'd let me finish, I was going to say you should have gotten a zombie costume because then we could have made your life an un-living hell."

"Undead," Gus said.

"I've heard it both ways." Shawn said shrugging his shoulders. "Where's Jules?" He asked, his ever present ADD making his mind shift gears faster then a fifteen year old driving his grandparents stick shift.

"She's off tonight." Lassiter said.

"Did she say what she was doing? Where she was going?" Shawn asked picking up the nameplate on Lassiter's desk. Lassiter snatched it out of his hands.

"I don't know, I didn't get a chance to ask her when she came flying through the station as some kind of drugged out fairy." He snapped slamming the nameplate back on the desk.

"Drugged out fairy?" Gus asked looking confused.

"Do fairies ever need drugs?" Shawn asked. His eyes got vacant for a little while, as he thought about that possibility.

"It doesn't matter." Lassiter snapped grabbing a handful of case files from his desk and started heading for the file room. Spencer and Guster, much to his annoyance, followed him. "Look what do you two want?" He finally yelled turning to face them. Gus pulled Shawn off to the side and they had one of their normal whisper arguments. It appeared that Spencer won out and they turned back to Lassiter.

"We want to know why you're being such a sourpuss about the whole Halloween thing." Spencer said. "You've done nothing but complain about it since we got here." Lassiter didn't say anything, but violently stuffed the files back into the drawers. "C'mon Lassie," Shawn said giving Lassiter a pitiful look. "you can tell us." Lassiter gave Spencer an exasperated look, but finally answered Spencer's question.

"You want the truth?" He asked. Spencer nodded furiously while Gus shook his head just as quickly. Lassiter sighed. "I don't do Halloween because I've never done Halloween." Spencer and Guster's faces turned to looks of complete horror and shock. "Oh don't be so shocked. You saw what I did with my childhood, spent most days at Old Sonora and the rest of the time under the thumb of an overbearing mother." Gus once again grabbed Shawn's arm and they had another argument. Once again Spencer won, he always seemed to win, and then turned back to Lassiter.

"Lassie, we have decided that we are taking you out trick-or-treating." Spencer proclaimed. Lassiter flicked his gaze from Spencer's jubilant face to Gus' hesitant one.

"I'm still on the clock." He said. "I can't just go trick-or-treating." Spencer seemed to think this was funny.

"You have every right to go patrol houses. Make sure they aren't passing out razor blades in their candy."

"Or apples, raisins and anything else that isn't candy." Gus added.

"I don't have a costume." Lassiter said trying to think of more reasons to get out of spending his night with these two. Once again Spencer laughed.

"Don't worry Lassie we've got you covered." Before Lassiter knew it, he was out by Guster's small blue car. Spencer was digging through a pile of crap in the trunk and occasionally throwing things into his or Gus' hands. "Aha!" He proclaimed and then held out a pile of clothing. "I knew keeping these duds in the car would come in handy." Lassiter gingerly sorted through the pile. It looked like the western wear Spencer had worn when he was working the case at Old Sonora.

"Spencer, I don't know if you've noticed but I'm a little taller then you. The sleeves and pants will be too short," Lassiter said holding out the sleeve of the blue shirt. "and that's the least of my worries." He added quietly.

"Lassie these aren't my clothes." Spencer said. "These are the ones Hank gave me. He told me I could keep whatever I wanted from the sheriff's office. These are your size." Lassiter gave him a doubtful look. "Just try them on. You know you want to be a sheriff for Halloween. You even get to keep wearing your gun." Lassiter's hand instinctively went to touch the shoulder holster he always wore. "Go put them on." Spencer repeated using his hands to shoo Lassiter towards the station once more. Lassiter grumbled a little bit, but went back into the station.

"Why'd you lie to him?" Gus asked. "You could have just told him we bought all those clothes for him after Juliet told us he was working tonight." Shawn shrugged.

"He'd never have put them on if we told him that. Besides he –" Shawn didn't get to finish his thought because Lassiter walked back out of the station just then. He had changed from his grey suit into the jeans, blue shirt, vest, boots and hat that Shawn had thrust upon him. Shawn figured he must keep an extra mustache in his desk as well, because he had put one on along with the outfit. It wasn't just his clothes that had changed either. His whole demeanor had changed. He was walking with a strut and when he reached the car again he stood slouching. Shawn didn't think he'd ever have bet he would see Carlton Lassiter slouch, but that's what he was seeing in front of him in this moment. "It looks good Lassie." He finally said after the shock had worn off. "You're umm, more laid back." Lassiter shrugged.

"It's all part of the character." He said. "It's the same way when I do the Civil War reenactments."

"You don't act any different when you're wearing that uniform." Gus said. Lassiter shrugged again.

"That's because Lassie is exactly like his great-great-however-many-greats grandfather." Shawn said. "Now I know exactly where our first bust should be."

They finally piled into Gus' car. After arguing about who was going to drive. Lassiter refused to let them in his car, because he didn't want them messing up the upholstery and he refused to sit in the back of Guster's car because he didn't want to be squished. It ended up with Shawn driving Gus' car, because he knew where they were going, Lassiter riding shotgun and Gus in the backseat. They drove for a few minutes before Spencer parked outside of a house that Lassiter had never seen before. They went up to the door and Lassiter rang the bell.

"Now remember Lassie, the phrase is 'Trick-or-Treat'" Spencer reminded him. "and make sure they have treats because I don't think I know any tricks that you'll let us play without arresting us afterwards." Lassiter rolled his eyes and waited for the door to be answered. The door was finally opened and none other than Juliet O'Hara answered it.

"Shawn, Gus! You guys came!" She said excitedly and got out of the way to let them into the house. "The party just started, there's punch in the kitchen." She did a double take when Lassiter took off his hat as he stepped into the hallway. "Carlton, I thought you were working tonight?"

"Yeah, so did I." Lassiter said glaring at Shawn and Gus who immediately turned around and headed for the kitchen.

"Well, I'm glad you're here." O'Hara said. "Everyone else is already here." Lassiter followed her back to the kitchen where McNabb, the chief and their families were already sipping punch. Lassiter recognized some of O'Hara's family from the Christmas party she'd invited him to a couple years back.

"Happy Halloween Detective. Or should I say Sheriff?" The chief said handing Lassiter a glass of punch. She was wearing a gingham dress. Lassiter looked over her costume and raised an eyebrow. "I'm Dorothy." She explained and pointed over to the corner where her husband was standing dressed as a tin man with a small child dressed as a black dog in his arms. Lassiter nodded slightly.

"What's McNabb supposed to be?" Lassiter asked eyeing the younger policeman, who was across the room, talking with O'Hara.

"I think his costume is kind of obvious." The chief said glancing over to where Lassiter's gaze was. McNabb was wearing a black and white striped jumpsuit and holding hands with his wife who was wearing a police uniform. Lassiter looked closer and realized they weren't holding hands, they had handcuffs on.

The party went on into the wee hours of the morning. Lassiter knew he was going to regret staying up this late, but Spencer was his ride back to the station and there was no way he was going to call a cab dressed like this. One by one all the guests left, until only Spencer, Guster, himself and O'Hara were left at the house.

"Well Jules this has been fun, but we have a big DDR party planned for tomorrow." Spencer said.

"Thanks for coming you guys." Juliet said. "See you tomorrow." Once the three men were outside Lassiter turned to Shawn.

"I don't say thank you." He stated.

"I know." Spencer said accepting the little bit of gratitude he knew the detective was offering him. Gus rolled his eyes. They rode in silence back to the police station. Lassiter got out of the car.

"Juliet really was a drugged out fairy." Gus said.

"Tinkerbell on crack." Shawn said shaking his head slightly. He went to put the car into gear, but Lassiter tapped on the window. Shawn rolled it down.

"I don't say thank you." He repeated. "but next time you buy a gift, make sure you get all the tags cut off." With that he turned on his heel and got into his own car.


End file.
